I was probably 15 or so and for the first time that I can
remember we had sister missionaries in our ward. They ate dinner at our house
one night and a tradition we have in our family is to ask new missionaries why
they decided to serve a mission. I honestly have no idea what they said, but whatever
it was made an impact.
I remember going
up to my room after they left and just cried, because I think I knew then that serving
a mission was something deep down inside I wanted to do. Being a human, I let
fear in and pushed it out of my mind and from then on convinced myself that
under no circumstances would I go. Obviously that has changed.
So I guess the second time I decided was at College. I went
to BYU- Idaho for a year and when you attend a church school you are surrounded
by prospective and returned missionaries. It’s infectious. So while all of my
friends started their papers and got their calls, I waited and watched, still
too afraid to start anything. The last thing I wanted was to go on a mission because
all my friends were or for the attention.
For girls, it’s
not asked of us to go, so it is completely our decision, which doesn’t mean it’s
easier or doesn’t come with any pressure. In hopes to avoid that, I decided to
wait until the end of the semester in April. I came home and that fear came
crawling back in. So I put it off another two months until I gave in, pushed
out the fear and started my papers. Best decision I have ever made. Since that
day I’ve felt so close to my Father in Heaven and strive to have the Holy Ghost
as my constant companion.
I decided to serve a mission because I have been so blessed
by this Gospel and I can’t imagine what life is like without it. I know that I have a Heavenly Father who knows
and loves me. I have a brother who died for me, so that one day I can be with
them again. I am going to help people
remember Christ and to come unto Him. We all knew Him before we came to earth,
some of us just forgot, so that's my mission, to help others remember Christ. I
have this knowledge and need to share it. Sharing the Gospel does not come
naturally or easily to me, but I know that the Lord strengthens our weaknesses.
It took 3 weeks for me to get my call, which is normal time
but it feels like forever. I remember opening my call, almost not wanting to
read it because all the possibilities of where I could go would end. I had
already decided in my heart that I would accept wherever I was sent, it did not
matter to me. “I’ll go where you want me to go” I said I trusted in the Lord
that He would place me where I needed to be.
I was surprised when I
opened my letter and it said I have been called to serve in the California
Roseville mission and that I should report to the MTC on November 11th.
Accepting this became a challenge to me not because of where but because of
when. I had an extremely difficult time digesting the fact that I had 45 days
to prepare. That’s a month and a half. I felt everything. Inadequacy, fear,
unworthy, that I would go and fail, that it was too soon and I just could not
do it. It was impossible. I became enveloped in self-doubt. I prayed for
feelings of peace and help accepting my call but I didn’t feel any different. I
remember driving to work one day and just thinking “I can’t do this, I just
can’t do it.” It was then when I heard it, like you learn about in primary, a
still small voice. He whispered one word, “Alone. You can’t do this alone”. I
instantly knew that the Lord knew me, loved me and supported me. I had never
heard him like that before but the Lord knows us and knows what we need to hear.
I knew I made the right decision. I am grateful for the power of the Holy Ghost,
I am grateful for his companionship during this hard time.
I know that He is the only way I can be an effective
missionary. In Alma 26:12 we read, “Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my
strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of
my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty
miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name
forever.” I am just a vessel. The Spirit does it all, I just have to be prepared
and worthy to receive it and act on it.
Preparing has been difficult but I am grateful for the
blessings that come from being diligent. I am especially grateful for the
blessings of the Temple. I never feel so much love than I do when I’m at the
Temple. It is such a beautiful and sacred place and I’m a grateful we have one
so close. It truly is the house of the Lord.
I have learned that the key to being strong in the gospel is
the primary answers. Going to church, saying our prayers and reading the
scriptures. They are absolutely necessary to growing our testimonies and keeping
the commandments. By studying the scriptures and communicating with our
Heavenly Father daily, we are putting on the armor of God. We prepare ourselves
for whatever temptations may come or struggles we may have.
I am grateful for primary and my experience in it as a child
and as a sunbeam teacher. Those little
ones know who Jesus is, they know He died for them and that He loves them. Primary
helps plant the seed of faith that nourishes and grows as we learn. I am also
grateful for seminary and my teachers who patiently taught me. I definitely
took for granted having a class where you learn the gospel and feel the spirit
daily. You don’t realize how awesome and important it is until you’re old and
have to do it yourself, which is really hard.
I am anxious and excited to see what the Lord has in store
for me. I want to bare you my testimony that I know this church is true. I know
that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God and restored the true church that is on
the Earth today. I am thankful for our Prophet, Thomas S. Monson, who he leads
and guides us as directed by our Heavenly Father. I know that Christ knows us
and loves us each personally. I have a
testimony of the priesthood and am grateful for the blessings that I receive from
it. I am grateful for my family, for there never ending love and support, that
although I will be away for a short time, I will be with them forever. I love
this gospel with all my heart and I am so excited to share it
I leave
these things with you in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment